Food Trap Alert! Shortcake Biscuits, Joe-Joe’s Vanilla Creme Cookies, Yasso Frozen Greek Yogurt Pops

Warning: This is a Delectable Desserts edition of Food Trap Alerts. If you possess an untamed food trap or haven’t quite perfected the art of greediness in moderation, please click away from this page. Click away RIGHT NOW!!! (maybe go here instead?)

Joe-Joe’s Vanilla Sammich Creme Cookies: Holla!! Best dang vanilla creme sammich cookie I ever chewed on. Every product at Trader Joe’s, including this here sammich cookie of wonderment, has no artificial crap, no GMO’s, no MSG, and no trans fats. It even has real vanilla bean specks in its creme center. You can taste the fine quality of the ingredients, which make this cookie high class compared to other vanilla cremes. But watch out for the high calorie count. Two cookies rakes in 130 calories of fattening that might stick your booty, thighs or stomachs. If you know some gremlin children who deserve a healthier cookie treat, then give them the Joe Joe’s. You can even have one cookie. But don’t you dare shove these into your food trap in mass quantities. You’ll be doing yourself a disservice of tasty destruction. Moderation only, please.

Trader Joe’s store locator.

Nutrition: Calories 130 for 2 cookies, Fat Cal, 45, Total Fat 5g, Sat Fat 1.5g, Sodium 120mg, Carbs 20g, Sugars 11g, Protein 1g

Yasso Frozen Greek Yogurt: Excuse me, but Yasso is a no-no. Great concept. Bad delivery. This frozen Greek pop is nicely oversized and low in calories, but the taste is so dang invisible and bland, even the Greedy Kids were searching for the flavor. Ever slurped on a watered down cup of Kool Aid? Ever drank a can of Pepsi with zero fizz? Ever poured a bowl of cereal, only to discover someone drank up all the damn milk? Yasso is among those kinds of food disasters. Something’s just…missing.

Nutrition: Calories: 70, Fat Cal 0, Total Fat 0g, Sodium 35mg, Carbs 12g, Fiber 0g, Sugars 11g, Protein 6g  

Trader Joe’s Shortcake Biscuits: Can you haz a biscuit? You bet your ass you can! …and you must. Just like the front of the bag says, shortcake biscuits are “wonderful with fresh fruit and whipped cream”. I did that ya’ll — fresh strawberries & a touch of TJ’s whipped cream on top. The biscuit might seem hard when you first grab it, but cut it open and you get a dense, moist biscuit with a perfect touch of sweetness that knows how to get the dessert-job done right. Now please sharpen the claws of your teeth and go gnaw on one of these for yourself.

Nutrition: Calories 310, Total Fat 16g, Sodium, 430mg, Carbs 37g, Fiber 0g, Sugars 11g, Protein 4g

MORE FOOD TRAP ALERTS

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Greedy Recipe! So Delicious Low Cal Strawberry Shortcake

Hell yes. This is my own creation. It’s one of the most delectable, low calorie homemade treats to ever connect with my food trap. Here’s the final creation, but let’s rewind the recipe so you can see how it’s made.

There’s no baking involved and it’s literally ready in minutes. I constructed my cake within a wine glass, because I’m fancy like that. I can sense that you’re the fancy type, too.

There are only 3 ingredients:

1) Angel Food Cake: This type of cake contains about 72 calories per 1/12 slice. It’s main ingredient is egg whites and contains NO butter, with minimal sugar compared to other kinds of cake. You can usually grab an Angel Food Cake in your grocer’s bakery department for cheap (about $4 to $5).

2) Fresh Strawberries: Do NOT buy frozen. Snag some fresh Driscoll’s strawberries if you can. Driscoll’s has never done me wrong. Always fresh, always the tastiest.

3) Strawberry Yogurt: The yogurt I used was brought fresh from the Amish peoples, but Chobani Greek Strawberry yogurt will do just fine as well.

Slice about 1.5 cups strawberries and cube about 1.5 cups Angel Food Cake.

Construct your cake within the glass by layering the 3 ingredients in this order:

1-2 dollops of strawberry yogurtAngel Food cubesStrawberry slices

Then repeat the layers.

The final product delivers moist, spongy cubes of Angel Food decadence accented by fresh berries and yogurt that mimics a real, high calorie Strawberry Shortcake. The ingredients are a heavenly trio that were meant to be together. The greedy side of your brain will think you’re snacking on a sinister no-no, but a generous portion of So Delicious Strawberry Shortcake with its healthy benefits will only run you an estimated 300 calories.

I ate a glass of cake today and I’ll be damned if I don’t eat me another glass next weekend. Won’t you do the same?

If you’re inspired by the idea of delectable recipes containing fresh berries, then make Driscoll’s berry recipes and ideas your next interwebs destination.

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