Reason Number 749 Why I Need a Momcation

First it was the cheesecake incident. And now this. Do you see it?

Someone took a bite out of my deodorant. It went missing about a week ago (don’t worry — I have backups, so whatever you’re smelling is NOT me). Then the deodorant mysteriously re-appeared, but with teeth marks in it.

So take a wild guess at the culprit.

Greedy Baby has been growing sticky fingers lately. She will take your keys. Your earrings. Your unopened mail. Possibly anything that’s not bolted down. And then she hides it. I’ve even found petrified slices of cheese tucked in cozy little places.

I thought my deodorant was safely inaccessible to the child, but nooo. Greedy Baby swiped my deodorant and took a chunk out of it with the claws of her teeth. “I bit it, but I didn’t eat it,” she tells me. Umm, okay then. Well that just fixes everything, now doesn’t it?

Momcation / mäm'kaSH?n/  A vacation away from the kid(s) so the mom can NOT deal with any bullshit for a little while, like watching 15 straight episodes of Barney & Friends or making sammiches the child asks for and then doesn’t want 5 seconds after you make it or when the older kid washes the same load of clothes 3 damn times because she was too lazy to take it out the washer the 1st & 2nd times she washed it and like when the other kid won’t shut up about a pair of $120 Polo boots he wants from Nordstrom (effing Nordstrom!) even though I just bought him a new Xbox 360 … and… and… and… I need a momcation. And some uneaten deodorant, please.

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The Real Reason Children Should Be Banned From Greediness

“Conversations With a Greedy Azz Kid”

((the phone rings))

Me: Hello?

Greedy Kid #1: Mom, you are sooo jealous of me right now.

Me: ((in sarcastic voice)) Why should I be? Because you’re working late and won’t be home till 10 tonight?

Greedy Kid #1: Nope. Because I’m eating a cheesecake right now.

Me: ((insert jealous feelings here)) We’ll you’re the one gaining calories, not me.

Greedy Kid #1: But I’m also gaining the tastiness of the cheesecake. It’s all rich and fluffy and delicious.

Me: ((hangs up phone until she gets the dial tone))

Children should not be able to flaunt their cheesecake unless the parent is within arms reach to take away their cheesecake and have it for themselves.

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One Reason I Run, Zucchini Soup and a Food Journal

I got nothing tonight. I’m wiped.

Here’s today journal. I’m feeling really good about my choices today!

2 eggs scrambled with onion, zucchini, broccoli and bacon bitsQuick breakfast with the LIttle Guy Before CampThe rest of the zucchini soup and ham sandwich on a thin with laughing cowI’m currently obsessed with the Yoplait flavors. They are so fun!Experimenting for GreenLiteBites.. this was fun! Hope to share it tomorrowwhole grain pasta with some stewed chicken and homemade sauceA little hungry and decided on this. Yoga! I love the new class I found.

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