Someone took a bite out of my deodorant. It went missing about a week ago (don’t worry — I have backups, so whatever you’re smelling is NOT me). Then the deodorant mysteriously re-appeared, but with teeth marks in it.
So take a wild guess at the culprit.
Greedy Baby has been growing sticky fingers lately. She will take your keys. Your earrings. Your unopened mail. Possibly anything that’s not bolted down. And then she hides it. I’ve even found petrified slices of cheese tucked in cozy little places.
I thought my deodorant was safely inaccessible to the child, but nooo. Greedy Baby swiped my deodorant and took a chunk out of it with the claws of her teeth. “I bit it, but I didn’t eat it,” she tells me. Umm, okay then. Well that just fixes everything, now doesn’t it?
Momcation / mäm'kaSH?n/ A vacation away from the kid(s) so the mom can NOT deal with any bullshit for a little while, like watching 15 straight episodes of Barney & Friends or making sammiches the child asks for and then doesn’t want 5 seconds after you make it or when the older kid washes the same load of clothes 3 damn times because she was too lazy to take it out the washer the 1st & 2nd times she washed it and like when the other kid won’t shut up about a pair of $120 Polo boots he wants from Nordstrom (effing Nordstrom!) even though I just bought him a new Xbox 360 … and… and… and… I need a momcation. And some uneaten deodorant, please.
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