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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The “Old Girls” Reunite
I was six months pregnant and watching the “Price is Right” when Johnny Olson said, “Lisa Hanson, come on down! You’re the next contestant on The Price Is Right!”
‘Hunh,’ I thought. ‘I wonder if that’s Lisa from home room.’
When we graduated the year before, I left the city and married a farmer and Lisa went to design school in California. There are thousands of Lisa Hansons in the country, but the woman running down the aisle to join the other three players was none other than Lisa from homeroom. She even won her way up on stage! She played that fill-in-the-check game and won a grandfather clock.
I laid on the couch and wondered what she’d do with a grandfather clock. She was 19, going to school, and I doubted she lived in a place that could accommodate something so big.
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Fast forward 25 years. I'm standing on the “Oprah” stage with 19 other guests and Oprah announces she's giving us our choice of a Life Fitness elliptical, treadmill or home gym. Holy wow, I was excited! I wanted the elliptical, but I thought, ‘Man, that thing is HUGE. What is that? Nine feet long?’ I lived in a small house with three large dogs.
‘Where will I put it?’
There was no way I was NOT going to have that elliptical.
It was love at first stride. The two burly men who delivered it and set it up asked me test it and I was hooked, like a first taste of chocolate. For three years, that elliptical kept my alter ego – the Queen of Excuses – buried in a closet. I had no reason not to exercise on snowy days, rainy days, I’m-too-busy-to-go-to-the-gym days. She was housed in our former den (fondly called The Zen Room), which I’d also turned into my office, so I saw her all the time. She looked over my shoulder as I worked, reminding me many times a day of my commitment to fitness.
Then a year ago I moved to Pittsburgh and I left the old girl in my ex-house with my ex-husband because my apartment is the size of a toaster. My recumbent bike, while a godsend, lives in the second bedroom where I don’t see it on a daily basis. It doesn’t call my name or challenge me the way BFF elliptical did. Without her, my alter ego escaped her closet prison and my serious cardio regimen went from five days a week to two…at most. True, I rode my bike a lot this summer. Hiked, too. But it wasn’t the same kind of workout I was used to when elliptical and I were BFF.
Thinking I needed a few extra bucks in the bank, I put BFF up for auction on eBay a few months ago. A man in Texas wanted to buy her, but I wasn’t about to ship her that far. In fact, I didn’t want to ship her anywhere at all. I realized I needed her more than I needed the money. (Ironically, she’s the most expensive thing I own. Obviously, I don’t own much…LOL…and I’m happy with that.)
BF knew how much I was missed BFF and we discussed how we might bring her to live in his laundry room. He has a trailer. And bungee cords And rope. And really nice biceps.
This is us arm wrestling. Clearly I didn't win.What if we broke up, I asked. He assured me he’d give her back to me. Can we get that in writing, I asked. He laughed. I was serious. 
So we drove up to my ex-house yesterday and loaded the old girl on the trailer, with the help of a neighbor. I’m sure BFF got a few looks on routes 66 and 28, but soon we passed a ping pong table on top of a Kia, which probably deflected BFF’s popularity.
Given the shape of my shoulder, I couldn’t offer much help unloading BFF. She weighs 250 pounds, but she’s got wheels. BF rolled her down the ramp and into the laundry room with no more than a few grunts. He got BFF leveled and I hopped up on the pedals and took her for a test drive. I was seven minutes in when my thighs said, “Um…what the heck? We were quite happy without her.”
Exactly, thighs. You got complacent.
Today, my goal was to ease into the workout, just as I did when she arrived four years ago. Twenty minutes tops. I turned on my Nook to read more “Wheat Belly” and plugged in the iPod because I knew I’d need some “foot” to keep me going: Chickenfoot and Switchfoot.
At my peak (back in the day), I could do level 9 or 10 for most of my workout. Today, I spent a good five minutes at level 1 before pressing higher. Level 2, level 3, level 4…yowza!
Me after 30 minutes. I was dripping stinky sweaty.I normally feel “the zone” around 12 minutes. You know, that zone where you stop feeling fatigued and your thighs stop aching and you groove to your heart rate and breath rate. This morning, I didn’t feel the groove at 12 minutes. Or at 15. Or at 20…which was technically my stop time. But I kept going, wondering what it would take to get to the zone, if I would. Finally, at minute 25, I felt the easing of my thighs and that less-fatigued groove. I didn’t want to push it, though, so I rode the groove for another five minutes and stopped at 30, confident I would improve as the weeks go by.
Make no mistake…I will. My goal is to stride on BFF at level 9 like it’s 2009. It will take awhile. It will take a lot of work. But the old girls are reunited and it feels so good.
And by the way, if you know Lisa Hanson from Armstrong High School in Plymouth, Minnesota, class of 1981, please let her know I have a question to ask her.
‘Hunh,’ I thought. ‘I wonder if that’s Lisa from home room.’
When we graduated the year before, I left the city and married a farmer and Lisa went to design school in California. There are thousands of Lisa Hansons in the country, but the woman running down the aisle to join the other three players was none other than Lisa from homeroom. She even won her way up on stage! She played that fill-in-the-check game and won a grandfather clock.
I laid on the couch and wondered what she’d do with a grandfather clock. She was 19, going to school, and I doubted she lived in a place that could accommodate something so big.
‘Where will I put it?’
I thought about Lisa and the clock and started planning.
‘I’ll put it in the dining room if I have to.’There was no way I was NOT going to have that elliptical.
It was love at first stride. The two burly men who delivered it and set it up asked me test it and I was hooked, like a first taste of chocolate. For three years, that elliptical kept my alter ego – the Queen of Excuses – buried in a closet. I had no reason not to exercise on snowy days, rainy days, I’m-too-busy-to-go-to-the-gym days. She was housed in our former den (fondly called The Zen Room), which I’d also turned into my office, so I saw her all the time. She looked over my shoulder as I worked, reminding me many times a day of my commitment to fitness.
Then a year ago I moved to Pittsburgh and I left the old girl in my ex-house with my ex-husband because my apartment is the size of a toaster. My recumbent bike, while a godsend, lives in the second bedroom where I don’t see it on a daily basis. It doesn’t call my name or challenge me the way BFF elliptical did. Without her, my alter ego escaped her closet prison and my serious cardio regimen went from five days a week to two…at most. True, I rode my bike a lot this summer. Hiked, too. But it wasn’t the same kind of workout I was used to when elliptical and I were BFF.
Thinking I needed a few extra bucks in the bank, I put BFF up for auction on eBay a few months ago. A man in Texas wanted to buy her, but I wasn’t about to ship her that far. In fact, I didn’t want to ship her anywhere at all. I realized I needed her more than I needed the money. (Ironically, she’s the most expensive thing I own. Obviously, I don’t own much…LOL…and I’m happy with that.)
BF knew how much I was missed BFF and we discussed how we might bring her to live in his laundry room. He has a trailer. And bungee cords And rope. And really nice biceps.
This is us arm wrestling. Clearly I didn't win.What if we broke up, I asked. He assured me he’d give her back to me. Can we get that in writing, I asked. He laughed. I was serious. So we drove up to my ex-house yesterday and loaded the old girl on the trailer, with the help of a neighbor. I’m sure BFF got a few looks on routes 66 and 28, but soon we passed a ping pong table on top of a Kia, which probably deflected BFF’s popularity. Given the shape of my shoulder, I couldn’t offer much help unloading BFF. She weighs 250 pounds, but she’s got wheels. BF rolled her down the ramp and into the laundry room with no more than a few grunts. He got BFF leveled and I hopped up on the pedals and took her for a test drive. I was seven minutes in when my thighs said, “Um…what the heck? We were quite happy without her.”
Exactly, thighs. You got complacent.
Today, my goal was to ease into the workout, just as I did when she arrived four years ago. Twenty minutes tops. I turned on my Nook to read more “Wheat Belly” and plugged in the iPod because I knew I’d need some “foot” to keep me going: Chickenfoot and Switchfoot.
At my peak (back in the day), I could do level 9 or 10 for most of my workout. Today, I spent a good five minutes at level 1 before pressing higher. Level 2, level 3, level 4…yowza!
Me after 30 minutes. I was dripping stinky sweaty.I normally feel “the zone” around 12 minutes. You know, that zone where you stop feeling fatigued and your thighs stop aching and you groove to your heart rate and breath rate. This morning, I didn’t feel the groove at 12 minutes. Or at 15. Or at 20…which was technically my stop time. But I kept going, wondering what it would take to get to the zone, if I would. Finally, at minute 25, I felt the easing of my thighs and that less-fatigued groove. I didn’t want to push it, though, so I rode the groove for another five minutes and stopped at 30, confident I would improve as the weeks go by. Make no mistake…I will. My goal is to stride on BFF at level 9 like it’s 2009. It will take awhile. It will take a lot of work. But the old girls are reunited and it feels so good.
And by the way, if you know Lisa Hanson from Armstrong High School in Plymouth, Minnesota, class of 1981, please let her know I have a question to ask her.
Finish It Monday: Prune Away The Unfruitful Things For More Growth And Progress
1. trim or weed out unwanted or unnecessary things
2. cut off or cut out for the purpose of improving growth
3. do away with, terminate or eliminate
You gotta prune away the things that don’t matter; the things that waste time and get in the way of you achieving your goals. Those time wasting activities and bad habits. The things that don’t contribute to your growth, but instead, hold you back, keep you down and prevent you from getting what you want; the things ‘n stuff that distract and prevent you from making consistent, goal oriented moves.
Don’t cleave to the unfruitful things in your life. It’s holding you back. So get rid of it.
Josie’s “to prune away” List
Up late, past 11:30pm. Because it causes me to have a sub-par, next day workout.Wasting way too much time on celebrity gossip websites (yeah, I do that). It’s a distraction. My time could be better spent.B!tching and whining about stuff completely out of my control (like dealing with incompetent people and situations that “aren’t fair”). It’s a waste of time to keep complaining; a distraction that drains my positive spirit and makes me to lose focus.Now it’s your turn.
But don’t just write a list and forget about it. Make like a gardener and start pruning away the “dead” things in your life right now.
To all of my Finish What You Started Challengers: You earn one bonus star for every dead ‘n idle activity you successfully keep pruned all week long. Stay in it, guys! This Challenge is NOT over yet. You’ve got things to accomplish. If you’ve allowed your challenge goals to fall by the wayside, jump back in right now. Re-starts, do-overs and picking up where you left off is totally encourage. But quitting is NEVER allowed.
Uncle Ben's Whole Grain Fast & Natural Instant Brown Rice Review
The description of Uncle Ben's Whole Grain Fast & Natural Instant Brown Rice reads, "now you can get great tasting 100% natural whole grain brown rice in just 10 minutes." Well, one thing I love is quick and easy, healthy meals, so I was all over this and bought a 14 ounce box for $2.19.
NUTRITION FACTSServing Size: 1/4 cup dry (48 grams - 1 cup cooked)
Calories: 170
Total Fat: 1.5 grams, 2%
Saturated Fat: 0%
Sodium: 0%
Carbohydrates: 36 grams
Fiber: 2 grams, 8%
Sugars: 0 grams
Protein: 4 grams
Well, they aren't lying. The directions are basically to add rice to water, boil, then turn the heat down & simmer for 10 minutes. This produced a fluffy, soft rice - not much different from white rice actually.
Each 1 cup (cooked) serving of Uncle Ben's Whole Grain Fast & Natural Instant Brown Rice provides 170 calories, 1.5 grams of total fat, 2 grams of fiber (8% of the daily value) and 4 grams of protein. The ingredients list simply states, whole grain paraboiled rice.
As I mentioned before, a 14 ounce box, which holds about 2 cups of rice, cost a little over $2.00. I liked it, my family liked it, and I would definitely buy this again. Minute Instant Brown Rice (Review) is also really good. It shouldn't be too hard to mess up rice (although, you never know with some companies), but if you're pressed for dinner prep time, then Uncle Ben's got your back.
{Website: Uncle Ben's}
Wednesday Weigh In: WHAT?
I’m down 1.2 lbs.
Of what? I don’t know. I’ve been a bottomless pit lately and I haven’t workout or ran since Saturday. Monday I had the Essure Procedure done (no lectures I’m all babied out and I’m SURE. Never been more sure of anything in my life) and doc said no exercise for 5 days. At first I was nervous about it, but now I’m welcoming the break.
My return to exercise will be this Saturday at the Zombie Run and I’m scared! I have no idea what to expect or even what to wear. It should be an experience!
In other news…
That’s about it. Time to check out and cuddle with The Husband. Revenge and American Horror Story are on. It’s my new favorite night of TV! :)
Ask Roni: Can’t Stick, Reliving College, Snack Fantasies, The Last 15 lbs, My Motivation
This almost didn’t happen today. I recorded real quick this morning which went smoothly but then the technical problems with iMovie 9. Oy Vey!
I refuse to publish another video with out of sync audio so I had to transfer the file to my old computer and export it there. Maddening! Anyway, I won’t bore you with my geek vents. Let’s get on with the podcast!
Topics this week include:
I can’t stick to anything for more than 2 months! If I could go back to college what would I do differently? Can’t stop watching the clock and obsessing over food! Losing the last 15lbs What keeps me motivated day-to-day?I Got Pissed Off & Confronted Woman In Fat Suit
But I’m no dummy. It was obvious this woman was wearing a fat suit and fat makeup. Whoever did her up like that needs to go back to special effects class for a refresher.
So this chick is walking around, obviously trying extra hard to get people to notice her while the covert camera crew catches people’s reactions.
So I walked right up to her and said, “Why are you dressed like that?”
And she tries to act all confused and says to me, “What? I’m not dressed up.”
And I said, “Yes you are. It’s so obvious.” And I walk away ticked off that I’d been lied to. Because I’m no damn fool and I know she’s a liar.
But what I didn’t know at the time is that the woman is Melissa Gorga from Real Housewives of New Jersey (and nooo, I’ve never watched that show). She was doing an undercover piece with Entertainment Tonight on what it’s like to be fat. What the hell for?
Melissa, if you’re going to “act fat” in between all that celebrity-ing you do, at least get some real special effects make up and don’t lie to me when I call you out on it. You fail, girlfriend. And so does Entertainment Tonight. The End.
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