Redefining the Meaning of Pizza Night

…but first, the time line of historical pizza-problems that led up to the need for serious change:

1987 (age 14): I was eating an average 8 slices of Domino’s Pizza every Friday with no weight gain.

1989 – 2003: I barely ate pizza at all, so no problem.

2004: My pizza addiction began. I ate an average 6 slices of takeout pizza every Friday night (plus everyone’s leftover crust) — the greasy kind made by pizza employee Joe Schmoe, who probably scratched his balls with his bare hand before prepping my order.

2004 – 2010: I gained weight, then lost weight (yay!), but STILL had a pizza-eating problem. My fitness progress was there, but slow going.

Early 2011: I decided that enough was enough. I was sick and tired of being controlled by my addiction (I call it that now, but didn’t recognize it as addiction at the time), and slowly reduced my Friday pizza-eating from 6 slices down to 2. I also identified other greedy carb overloads and reduced or eliminated them all together (good-bye entire loaves of french bread thickly smathered in butter). All of this took me many months to master.

2012: I’m through with takeout pizza forever, yet I still love pizza and see no need to give it up. I simply choose to re-define the meaning of Pizza Night to ensure my body transformation continues.

THIS was my dinner tonight…

My homemade pizza (before baking).

Fresh ingredients included: spinach, plum tomatoes and onions, plus basil, other Italian seasonings, and easy on the cheese. My homemade pizza was less expensive than takeout and definitely less calories, while bigger on taste and satisfaction. And did I mention zero guilt?

My pizza after baking.

There’s no reason to give up the foods you love. Simply scale back if that works for you. But as for me and pizza? That called for a totally new definition of what Pizza Night means to me.

Joe Schmoe is no longer taking my orders. No more delivery of greasy pizzas to my door. I’m making the damn pizza myself. Because it’s just better that way. ((burp))

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4 Flakey Fitness Habits to Avoid Getting Sucked Into

1) slacking: Averting work or effort. Inactive. Not inclined to work or exertion.

“Booquisha has been a slacker for weeks. Maybe today she’ll get her lazy azz up to do cardio and drink up some Sleekology.”

2) procrastination:  Putting off something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

“It is not good to procrastinate. Justin does that with his laundry and now he’s wearing dirty spandex to the gym again.”

3) lack of planning: Without apparent forethought. Having no particular purpose, organization, or structure.

“I don’t give a damn if Mildred brags about that 3,000 Days to Shred DVD. Her lack of food planning has her eating Cheetoes out the vending machine before noon.”

4) lack of commitment: Absence of determination and follow through to work hard at something pledged or obligated to do.

“Bart’s lack of commitment to building man-muscles has him starting Day 1 of that expensive Q80X Fitness System for the 5th time now. He’s never made it past day 10.”

Put in the hard work this week and make it count! I know dang well you are NOT a slacking procrastinator who doesn’t plan or follow through because you’re soooo not committed to your fitness goals.

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Living my priorities

The end of 2011 was kind of a mess for me.

It was filled with great things yet I sensed in my heart I was teetering on the edge.

I felt thisclose to being someone who gave lip-service to what was important in her life & lived otherwise.

I felt thisclose to being the blogger who, while writing a post about the fabulousnessment of family time & family exercise!, snapped at her child “you need to WAIT.  I’ll play later. Mamas working!”

I did not like how being even *close* to reacting like that person felt.

As a result I spent lots of time formulating my 2012 mantra.

I needed something which wasnt only about or for me (Id grown a little too mememe by the end of 2011) and words which would constantly remind me of who I aspired to be.

I chose  the phrase living my priorities.  It felt fitting and, only 27 days into the year, has already challenged me in ways I couldnt have predicted.

Ive been reminded how difficult it is to say NO.

I have a hard & fast rule about never saying YES! in the moment. I always sit with an opportunity/make certain something is a fit before answering in the affirmative.  I do this with fun things, I do it with volunteer-stuffs, and I do it with work.

Many of the things Ive NO’ed to in the past 27 days looked *very* alluring at first glance, but when mashed up against my mantra were easily declined because they didnt ‘match up.’

Ive been reminded I still have a bad case of Freshman Year Syndrome.

When I was an undergrad I went out a lot.  Like every.single.night a lot for a while.

It wasnt so much I craved socializing & late nights and more the fact, at age 18, I feared something *amazing*  might happen and I wouldnt be there.

Ive NO’ed to stuff in the past 27 days where Ive paused and thought “…but what if theres some great! connection! to be made and Im not there?!”

But when Ive mashed the opportunity up against my3-word mantra Im reminded it’s ok.  I know all I need —truly need—I already have.

Ive been reminded how easy it can be to slip into fear-based living.

Ive let go of & said NO to opportunities which could have been amazing…for me.

Opportunities when mashed up against my mantra clearly fell outside the realm of living priorities *outside* of myself.

I felt the fear.  I felt the panic of “what if I say no now and no one wants me later?”  I almost caved. Frequently.

Yet when I mashed the ‘stuffs’ up against living what’s important to me I felt the fear, reminded myself of life’s abundance & NO’ed with faith.

Ive been reminded how my life is not all that unique.

Im writing this post not to preach or be ‘recognized’ for doing what I feel is a basic responsibility to those things we love & are important to us (be they people, passions, or causes).

Im writing it in response to so many of you who have reached out and asked how things are going now that we’re 5 months into the Garten of the Kinder.

Im writing in response to your collective responses of “I had to step back and decide what was important to me and only focus on that.  It all is too much if you dont.”

Im 27 days in. 

It’s more challenging than Id thought. 

Im stilling living my priorities—one long no-filled, boundary drawing day at a time.

Pictures by twentyfivetwentysix studios.

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Who Won the Insanity Fast and Furious DVD?

Sorry, I could not read the content fromt this page.

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I Still Believe

If there’s a theme song for perseverance, determination, and…in the footsteps of my last blog…resilience, it’s “I Still Believe” by The Call. When I listen to it, I believe I can do anything. Michael Been sings as a man who’s been to heartache and back many times, and the contemplative lyrics were meant for such a voice as his. And mine. And yours. And anyone else who’s not given up.

So much of what we strive to do in our lives – what we really deep down want to achieve – is in defiance of what we’ve been told (by others and ourselves) we can’t do. How many times have you lost weight, only to gain it back? How many times have you started exercising, only to quit after a few months? When have you heard (and by whom?), “You can’t do that! You tried before and failed! Come here. Have a cookie.”

<--------raising my hand

We all have a voice inside us urging us on, telling us what it thinks we should do. Often times, it’s a not-so-wholesome plea: “____ will like me more if I do _____.” “I’ll be happy if I just do ______.” “Life will be perfect once I have ____.” But sometimes, after some contemplation and planning, or just due to plain stubbornness, what we hear is a wholesome plea: “You want this for yourself.” “You’re worth it.” “I believe in this goal and you!”

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the shame
And through the grief
Through the heartache
Through the tears
Through the waiting
Through the years

For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get
Oh, I still believe

What we do in response to that voice is what makes the difference between striving and retreating. I wrote in a post on Lynn’s Weigh on Facebook the other day that I’d agreed to do something outside my comfort zone and that my initial response was to eat mindlessly – to just stuff M&Ms (which I didn’t have in the house, thank goodness) or roasted soybeans (I’d just bought a 12-ounce bag) in my mouth as I contemplated my commitment: to fly to New York in early February and tape a segment on weight maintenance for “60 Minutes Australia” (same show as the U.S., just down-under).

Doing TV turns my stomach into a slip knot. (So how come I “wanted” to eat after I sent the “Sure…I’ll do it!” email?) TV makes me sweat, my heart palpitate. I wake up in the middle of the night wondering what the heck I’m going to wear, and I worry that during the interview I’ll get dry mouth and sound like I’m chewing marbles. This worry and future thinking is not very mindful/Buddhist of me, I know. But I never said I was enlightened.

I’d initially said no to the “60 Minutes” offer, telling the producer I wasn’t the poster child he might be looking for because I’d gained some weight and was struggling with arthritis. His reply? Oh…his reply. Made me rethink a whole lot about the “truths” I’d convinced myself of recently:

“May I say it sounds like you are being a little tough on yourself! You're are still half the weight you once were and despite your body having some issues, you are still living healthily and not stacking on too many pounds.

“It’s not so much the 'poster child' we are after, but the real story of someone who has broadly succeeded in not reverting to their former weight, and being determined about it.”

Determined. I read that word over and over. ‘Heck, yeah, that’s me! Doggedly determined. I’ll be damned if I’m going back to where I was. I’ve come too far, worked too hard, learned too much to do that.’ In the passion of that moment, I wrote back and said I’d do it. That’s when the knot formed in the center of my stomach and I wanted to eat. But instead of consuming copious amounts of whatever, I took a bunch of deep breaths, got dressed, and went to visit my grandkids. Because what I realized is that despite the stress and the doubt, my deep down desire is to make weight maintenance part of our culture’s dialogue. To make it as popular as weight loss. If that’s truly my goal, then that voice inside me can say all it wants about my fear of being on TV. My will is stronger.

I still believe. In me. I still believe that through the bumps in the road, through the temptations and heartaches, through the worries and self-doubts, that I can do what I (and others) tell me I can’t do.

I still believe. I hope you do, too. Listen to that song and let it sink into your bones. Dance to it in the kitchen. Let it drive you on the elliptical. For people like us, in places like this.

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My Weight Loss A-Ha Moment

I hinted about this post on Sunday and honestly, it’s been brewing in me for days. I just needed a quiet moment to actually collect my thoughts (without a baby in tow) and attempt to communicate them in a way that makes sense. Now that I have that moment, I’m pretty sure I’ll still ramble on excessively. Expect a long one and please forgive me for that cheesy "A-Ha" photo.

As you may know I’ve been trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight for 10 months now. Baby number 2 came almost 6 years after baby number 1 and 5 years after a 70lb weight loss that I have maintained happily (minus pregnancy gain of course.) I not only lost weight back then but I started to find myself. For as long as I can remember weight loss and a bad body image dominated my thoughts. (Read more of my weight history on the My Story page.)

If you’ve been reading for some time you know this. You’ve been on this journey with me. Maybe you were there when I reached goal in 2006 or when I had the tummy tuck or made the decisions to join a gym to or the first time I ran 5k on a treadmill.

*sigh* Running. Now there’s something I never thought I’d EVER do. Yet you were there the first time I ran a 5k and 5 miles and 10 and my first half and, in-spite of a rough year, a marathon. Yes, I ran a FREAKIN’ Marathon. To say it now it still seems unreal, impossible and unbelievable. So does climbing a rock wall and doing a pull-up but I did all of those things.

Yes, now I’m crying.

Over the years my approach to losing and maintaing weight ebbed and flowed. I went from weekly weighing to daily to none at all. I food journaled on paper, in email, twitter and even Excel. I counted points and ate intuitively. My diet has slowly shifted from convenience based foods (100 cal packs, Frozen Dinners) to more and more whole and unprocessed options.

For Pete’s Sake my favorite things to eat now are winter squashes and kale! Who am I?

No, really.

Who am I?

Well…

I am now someone who not only wakes up at 5:30 AM to go to the gym but WANTS to wake up at 5:30 to go to the gym because I know from experience how awesome I feel the rest of the day.

I am now someone who is not afraid to be naked in front of her husband. That may have been a bit TMI but it’s true and I know some of you out there know where I’m coming from.

I am now someone who can wear a bathing suit on a beach and enjoy herself. Not because I’m sporting the perfect body but because I’m having too much fun with my family to care what anyone else thinks.

I’m now someone who can go out to eat and not feel controlled by food, overwhelmed at the menu or anxious about making the right choice.

I am now someone who doesn’t starve herself after eating something "bad" and then sneaks food when no one is looking.

I am now someone who doesn’t shy away from things she wants to do or try or experience.

I am now someone who doesn’t care what the scale says because of everything listed above<–THAT was My A-Ha Moment.

These thoughts all came flooding to me when I received this comment from Tina on my latest weigh-in post….

Roni, did you ever think that possibly giving up the journaling might work in your favor? I see that you go back and forth with it, I think that you know by now exactly what your body needs and doesn’t need. I know that emotions play a huge part in that at times, but I think in my experience that “so called” dieting or keeping track always set me up for a binge at some point. Since I gave up counting points, calories etc. I have seen the most progress in my weight, and I also feel more relaxed with food. Just a thought.

Tina pointed out something I think I’ve been afraid to admit because it takes me further and further away from where I started and for some reason that’s scary. Here I thought I was doing the right thing by following my own example of what worked for me in the past.

6 years ago I counted points, food journaled and blogged my way to weight loss. It worked then so why shouldn’t it work now?

Ohhh yea… because I’m not the same person I was back then. I don’t need to learn what a portion is or that a banana is a better choice then pretzels or that drinking my calories isn’t "worth it." I don’t need a daily limit to stop me from eating because I can’t tell the difference between hunger or boredom or stress or exhaustion.

I’m not saying I know it all now but I know myself and I’ve learned a lot over the years. Why am I forcing myself to do something that’s not working for me now and why aren’t I trusting myself? Oh! and for Heaven’s sake WHY do I need to see some stupid number on some stupid scale when I am everything I ever wanted to be?

Happy.

~*~*~*~

P.S. I wanted to end the post right there on a "happy" note (pun intended) but while writing this I got an email from Annalisa and I feel the need to share it in this post.

Hi Roni! This is not an ask-Roni question but really a thank you. I’ve read your blog for a few years and I’ve always found you inspirational. Quick background – I lost 50 lbs a few years ago and kept it off until I had my first baby 9 months ago. I’m struggling with losing the weight. I’m 40lbs heavier that I am used to being and it gets demotivating when nothing changes week after week (I nurse, eat clean, lots of walks, etc). I’m working on it slowly but very little is happening. Anyway, my thank you is for you continual advice to ‘live your life’. I continue to sign up for things, meet new people, be active, etc. even though I am not comfortable in my own skin. I noticed this over the weekend when I signed up for mommy and me swim classes. OMG – I had to wear a swim suit! I thought about not going but I am so GLAD I did! My daughter loved it – and so did I. I sometimes even hesitate to take pictures/videos of us as a family since I’m so much bigger but I realize this is a time in my life I don’t get to repeat so I need to suck it up and embrace everything around me. I don’t think I would have this attitude if I haven’t read your blog all these years. I would truly be a SAHM and never leave the house. Instead, I bought bigger pants and kept going. Thank you!

This blog started out as a weight loss journal but now it means so much more to me and hopefully, to you. I don’t mind helping people lose weight, it’s how I got started on this whole journey. But what I really want to do is change people attitudes about themselves, their bodies and their lives. That’s my real goal . Weight loss is just the byproduct.

Thank YOU Annalisa for solidifying my A-Ha moment. :)

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My Sensational Sunday in 25 Shots

Today was truly a Sensational Sunday in every sense! The house is clean, the fridge is stocked, I spent time with the family AND caught up with an old friend at the movies. It was just a fantastic day all around! You’ll see…

It all started at 7AM. Little Guy had an early soccer game. Here he is writing his name on his water bottle before they left.

The Husband took him to the game while I stayed home with Little Bean.

He was not as amused with my dancing as he normally is. With 2 front teeth breaking through he was quite the grump. I could barely get a smile out of him!

We split 2 eggs for breakfast…

…like this.

With Dad and Big Brother gone, Little Bean and I had to handle the laundry on our own.

We sorted… crawled… sorted… and crawled. :)

While organizing his clothes I was inspired to to write… 5 Baby Fashions I Could Never Get Away With. Click here to see his striped pants. lol

I then decided to tackle the fridge.

It was so messy I didn’t even know what I had in there!

That’s when the boys came home with…

They were nice enough to bring me home my favorite, a chocolate frosted.

I didn’t eat it.

Why?

Because I didn’t want it.

More on this later this week. I had a revelation on the weight loss thing.

Anyway, back to the fridge.

MUCH better.

With the baby napping and the boys relaxing, I decided to grab some mags and take a bath.

Real Simple contacted me after seeing GreenLiteBites and sent me some issues. I hope to get a chance to work with them one day!

I came down from the bath to 3 boys watching "How It’s Made" on the Science Channel. They are running a 5 day marathon. We’ve been obsessed.

Then we took a break for a family game of UNO Roboto. We LOVE this game!

I made myself THE Smoothie as I was planning a late lunch out.

Irish was chilling on the stairs.

Someone caught a glimpse.

They are so cute together!

I decided to save the cat and swiped Little Bean for some kitchen dancing…

… while we cleaned up.

Everyone was doing their share.

We finished just in time for me to head out for my friend date! I met an old friend for lunch and movie. We went to Carrabbas. I’ve never been.

I had a cup of Mama Mandola’s Sicilian Chicken Soup…

…and an Insalata Fiorucci salad with the dressing on the side.

Both were amazing!

After lunch we saw The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 at the cheapo theater. It was as bad and as good as I thought it would be. lol

On the way home I hit the grocery store ALONE! That rarely happens. Little Guy helped me put everything away.

Dinner was a mish mosh of leftovers.

After dinner I gave Little Bean a bath…

made Little Guy’s lunch… (I’ll post a better photo on the GreenLiteBites School Lunch Idea page tomorrow)

and rallied the whole family to put away their clothes. (yes we ACTUALLY got it all done. The husband kept it going while I was at the movies.)

While making Little Guy’s bed The Husband did a little impersonation of him.

It cracked us up! If you can’t tell, Ryan is laughing hysterically. lol

Before bed we snacked on some strawberries and opened a LEGO minifigure.

Series 6 came out and we’re ecstatic. Click here to see our shrine of Minifigures. The Husband has officially turned me into a collector.

Afterwards I read Little Guy a story and then relaxed in my clean living room while watching Once Upon a Time.

Now I’m frantically trying to get this post up while watching the Food Network. :)

Hope you had a great weekend!

(Note for those looking: There’s a finger but it’s a tough one. I didn’t even know until he mentioned it.)

Oh! and I forgot I wanted to share this video of Little Bean knocking down block Little Guy and I set up for him. It’s super cute.

Ok, now I’m REALLY go to bed. :)

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