Needing and Sharing Comfort Food: It's Human. Dump the Guilt.

Well, it’s time to fix another body part. It’s like I’m in a “Surgery-of-the-Year” club. The dues are pretty high, but what can I do? I need functioning joints if I can get ‘em.
This year, it’s my left shoulder. I didn’t injure it, but due to my “loose ligaments” and arthritis, I tore the supraspinatus muscle, which is part of the rotator cuff, as well as the biceps tendon a few years ago. I was able to rehab with physical therapy and chiropractic (see “It’s All One Big Huge Freaking Circle”), but then in April, I mowed my lawn and made a mediocre problem a bigger problem. I literally tore the crap out of that supraspinatus.

Every night I sleep against a pillow fortress (BF calls it The Great Wall of China) which elevates my arm enough so I can sleep with minimal pain. However, the last few months I’ve been awake most nights at 3 a.m. with a burn in my shoulder so hot I could supply enough energy to keep my town in electricity for a week. (This, in addition to hot flashes, makes my nights really interesting.) I get up and take 2-4 Advil with a glass of soy milk or a piece of cheese because if I don’t, the Advil will eat my gut. Too bad NSAIDs aren’t a weight-loss aid…

In addition to the muscle/tendon tears, I found out today that my biceps tendon is not where it should be and needs to be “moved back into place.” Hmmm… Sounds like fun. Doc will also clean out the arthritis. Afterwards, he’ll stitch and patch me up, put me in a sling, and send me home where I won’t be able to shower or wear a bra for at least a week. Can’t wait. And I wasn’t even a bad girl this year! Santa better treat me well…LOL

Oh, I kid you. It’s not all that bad. It could be a lot worse, I know that. And I could also choose to drown my sorrows in food, which, for a moment, I thought about doing.

As I posted on Lynn’s Weigh on Facebook: “I saw my orthopedic surgeon today and I admit, my first thought after getting into my car after the appointment was, 'I want to eat.' Granted, I was hungry, but I wanted to eat something to console myself. I thought about it and was grateful that I recognized this feeling and met it head on. It didn't stop me from getting vegetarian dolmades at my favorite Greek restaurant, but I understood why I wanted them. And not only are they awesome comfort food, they're not horrible for me, either :)”

I took my dolmades and a Greek salad over to my daughter’s house, where she and the g-babies were eating lunch at the dining room table. I sat down next to Claire and opened the Styrofoam container of dolmades. We all chatted while they ate their chili and I my pieces of grape leaf heaven. Then I opened the container of Greek salad: lettuce, feta, red onions, tomatoes, olives and peperoncini.

“I done, Mama,” said Luca and he got down from his chair. I thought he was going to go play, but as I talked to Cassie, the little munchkin crawled under the table, climbed up on to my lap, grabbed a piece of lettuce and ate it. “Mmmm…” he said.
Claire then said she was done, too, and started eating my salad. Who knew salads were finger food? They also ate the pita that came with the dolmades (I’m still gluten-free! Three weeks in and I feel great!), dipping them in the Greek salad dressing that is so absolutely fantastic I wish Greek Stop bottled it. But the don’t. And they won’t. So sad.
Anyway, my salad was gone and they were still hungry, so Claire went to the fridge and dug out a bag of spinach and dumped a bunch into the Styrofoam container so she and Luca could continue to graze. It was wild watching them eat lettuce and spinach, leaf by leaf. When they were done, Luca was covered in dressing and very, very happy. Claire was a little more neat, but she still had olive-oil hands, and after she washed them, proceeded to dry her hands on my jeans, laughing so hard she almost peed herself. Who knew Greek salad could get you so high?

I did! That’s why it, and the dolmades, were my go-to food when I got the shoulder low-down from Doc today. Comfort food – when used in moderation, and particularly when it’s shared with people we love (Thanksgiving and mashed potatoes, anyone?) – is OK. Dump the guilt! God knows I spent years during my weight loss/maintenance feeling guilty for eating food that soothed my soul. I’m so over that.

I did a little search-a-roo on the Internet and found a few recipes for dolmades that I will attempt to perfect before my surgery in December so I can make them (with my one good arm and an assistant) when I need comfort food during rehab. I’m going to try a vegetarian version of this recipe from Food Network or this one from Living and Loving in LA or both!

How do you respond to your inner “You need comfort food NOW!” voice? And if you choose to eat a comfort food, which one or ones are your go-tos?

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Needing vs. Wanting to Lose Weight

I’m tracking again. I want these 10 pounds gone before the holiday season hits. I’ve been flirting with the same 1-2 pounds for about 2 months now and I’m done with it. I know I can maintain. I just need to be a bit more diligent in actually creating a deficit for losing.

It’s not that big of deal. I’m not depressed or stressed about it. I don’t NEED to lose this weight at all. I WANT to lose it and that’s a BIG difference.

I weigh what I weighed in High School right now, at this very moment. Of course, my body isn’t exactly the same. I’ve had two kids. I’ve started a running habit. I have more cellulite and stretch marks, but overall it’s pretty much the same.

This is the body I used to think was SO FAT. I was seriously delusional. There is nothing wrong with me and I can see that now I’m 35. The 16 year old version of me wouldn’t hear it. In my mind, I was a fat, disgusting cow unworthy of love.

I can’t stress how different it is to be in a place where you KNOW you are fine just the way you are vs. feeling you MUST lose weight to be complete/perfect/better/whatever. I remember the desperation I used to feel. The idea that everything would just fall in place once all my extra weight was gone.

Now I know better. Life is happening and it’s happening FAST. I don’t have time to put everything on hold UNTIL I’m a size whatever. I have too many things I want to do and experience to wait for my body to be somebody else’s idea of "perfect" which will never happen anyway. I define my perfect, just as you define yours.

These 10 pounds are nothing. They don’t define me or hold my happiness or confidence. They represent NOTHING except the ability to fit back into my favorite pair jeans. (side note: I REALLY miss those jeans!)

Sorry. I felt like I had to get that all out of my head. I know some won’t understand. If I’m fine the way I am, then why lose weight at all? I don’t really have an answer except "because I want to."

Here’s today’s food journal. I thought I’d have fun tracking new and old points side by side just to see how they compare.

Grabbed on my way to the doctors. Didn’t want to get too hungry before lunchSo glad I made hard boiled eggs this weekend!There was NO way I was making it until dinnerI also picked while cooking but it was all peppers and sugar snap peas! :) 1 cup frozen wild blueberries, 1/2 cup almond milk + 1/2 scoop protein powder + 1 tbsp dark chocolate Cocoa PowderThis is my Blueberry "ice cream"night time treat. :)Body Flow class at the gym – LOVE this CLASS! It’s my goal to go at least once a week.

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