Post FitBloggin’ Emotions and Thank Yous

This post was written with tears streaming down my face so lets just get that out of the way now.

FitBloggin’12 was nothing short of amazing. I don’t even know where to begin. The last 5 days are a complete blur.

You know what?

I can’t even recap. I just can’t. My brain is mush. I’m an emotional mess. I’m humbled and honored, overwhelmed and and even anxious, in a weird way.

For 3 days I was on the verge of tears. I want to tell you why but it’s so hard to put into words. I held myself together, allowing only my eyes to well, while watching reunions, first time in-person hugs, people going out of their comfort zones, trying new things, experiencing new things, and being truly themselves all in a supportive, welcoming, accepting environment.

And I did hold it together, for the most part. Thankfully I was distracted by all the logistics of actually running the conference! I was too busy to take it all in, until this morning.

That’s when I saw Robby holding this sign after the 5k…

(She was holding it for the Reebok photo booth but I can’t find the actual photo) :(

I lost it.

Tears flowing.

Hard to breathe.

Everything hit me in that moment.

That sign.

That message.

I feel like it’s something I’m teaching and learning all at the same time.

I picked up the sign, found her and all the emotions of the last 3 days just. came. out.

I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

So many people have been thanking me for organizing the conference but they have it wrong.

I need to thank them.

I can’t do what I’m doing without their support or yours! I feel honored and grateful that I am able blog and bring such a community of supportive people together.

I have to admit.

I don’t feel worthy.

I’m not sure where the self-doubt and insecurity comes from. Thankfully, it’s not crippling. I no longer need to feed it by binging on obscene amounts of food just so I feel a sense of fullness instead of the self-induced loneliness.

Instead, I ignore the negative inner voice and move forward despite it. I have taken baby steps that have not only helped me to reach my own weight loss goals but have literally changed my body, my health, my relationships, my career, and my life.

It’s so overwhelming to even think about right now.

So I’m not. :)

Instead I’ll share this photo…

The Husband had an Edible Arrangement sent to the house this afternoon. The card…

How nice was that?!

I spent my Sensational Sunday playing with my kids, napping and being fed strawberries by this Little Guy…

I also added some new inspiration to my office wall…

Note: I’m note sure who wrote the "If I don’t start, I can’t finish!" banner but when I saw it I had to grab it. It captures how I felt at that very moment about the conference and, well, all my accomplishments.

I promise to share more about the conference without getting so deep or emotional. In the mean time you may want to check out these links….

I need to end this post with my expression of gratitude. As I said, so many thanked me and I need to thank so many. So here goes my Emmy’s style thank you.. :)

Thank you Mom for always being my hero. I wouldn’t be here (literally and figuratively) if it wasn’t for you. Thank you Jen for always being there for me. You support me in so many ways that I can’t even explain. Thank you Erin for the amazing work. This year would not have happened without you. Thank you Carrie for being so much more than a photographer and allowing me to take over your house for 2 months.Thank you Jimmy for allowing me not to worry about the 5k or the Swag.Thank you Carla for thinking of me when I was too busy to think of you. I’m sorry.Thank you April, Bill and Miko for just being SO AWESOME. Thank you Sammy for all the help you didn’t think you gave. Thank you Carmen for stepping up and being there for me. Oh! and dealing with my teams craziness. Thank you Bob and Terri for watching the boys during the madness. Thank you Bill for, well, everything. You always support me and I’m so thankful I have you to experience this world with. Oh! and your welcome for the 2 days off work, quiet hotel room and long mornings. ;)OMG I could do this all day! There are just so many people who have supported me and this conference. Thank you everyone who came, spoke, volunteered, and supported the conference this year (including the sponsors!) There are literally too many of you to list! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

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Thank You, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

It was predicted that the Internet would turn us into an isolated society of bleary-eyed hermits who shun human contact and subsist on a diet of news feeds, weather updates, and cyber porn. “They” were wrong, at least for me and a few thousand other people I “know.” The Internet introduced me to a world of people I’d never have met in the physical world. People who have made a lasting impact on how I think and live. People armed with compassion, snark, empathy, and tough love.“But the beginnings of things, of a world especially, is necessarily vague, tangled, chaotic, and exceedingly disturbing. How few of us ever emerge from such beginning! How many souls perish in its tumult!” from The Awakening by Kate Chopin Entering the world of weight loss is all that: vague, tangled, chaotic, disturbing, _______ (insert adjective). And the reality is that most of us don’t journey in the first, fifth, or tenth time with a cohesive plan and the right equipment. We attack weight loss with dogged determination and motivation for about a day, maybe a week, sometimes – if we’re lucky – a month or longer. The problem is that we usually go at it alone, and inevitably we fail because, let’s face it, the self-determination and self-motivation of weight loss is hard to maintain for the long haul. But it can be sustained with a little help from the right friends. The friends who’ve been there, are there, done that, doing that. Some of my best friends are the people I’ve never never met, or at least didn’t meet right away in the traditional face-to-face way. They are the folks I’ve met through the Weight Watchers 100+ To Lose message board and through blogging. Without their support and occasional ass kicking, I’m pretty sure I’d still be in that “Gotta lose weight. Crap, this is hard. Oh what the hell, eat a donut. Now I feel guilty. Starting tomorrow, I’m eating only celery” cycle. Over the years, I’ve had the good fortune of meeting face-to-face the User Names who’ve supported me on this journey of dieting, maintaining, blogging, and learning that weight loss is not pretty, it’s not easy, and it’s not a path to happiness. One of the first people to educate me on that latter part was Marcia, or as I first knew her: Aging2Perfection. When I joined the WW message board in February 2005, I learned quickly that Aging2Perfection was not prone to delusion. She was firmly grounded in the reality of the weight loss world. But she also had the innate ability to love herself, something I floundered with, tangled up in that sticky web of self-acceptance. It was Aging2Perfection who challenged me to step back and breathe and be a better friend to myself.Weight is a part of our lives, not our entire lives. Weight (A) is the proper subset to the superset of life (B). I often forget that and make weight the be all and end all of my day. I let it set the tone of my mood and intentions. It’s people like Marcia who bring me back to reality, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.Some people have a Bucket List. I have a Face-To-Face Thank You List. I wish I could be like Jeannie and blink every one of you who have supported me and been my teachers these last seven years to a face-to-face pancake (or egg white omelet or oatmeal or smoothie) breakfast. We could even chat over leftovers! Or ride bikes or take my daughter’s spin class. Walk or hike. Drink coffee. Whatever. I just want to say: “Thank you.”

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