The second wave: UPDATE.

This feels like yesterday.

I didnt plan to post today.

It’s the last day of school & Ren Man and I are spending the day sweating frolicking outside with the kinder-crowd.

Im pretty excited as last I heard there will be hula-hoops, Skip Its, jump ropes and dancing involved.

Ive been tasked with procuring, slicing & bringing watermelon.

After an entire school year with me the Room Mother is highly aware my skills lie NOT in baking or crafting.

And this is a great thing.

This is more my skillset:

It's on my resume, too.

But Im digressing.

Which around here is so common place I long to call it gressing.

Which I realize makes no sense.

I had no plan to post today — until yesterday morning at the bus stop.

As usual the Tornado kissed Ren Man and me goodbye, asked if we would stay for the second wave, & climbed happily on the school bus.

She loves her some school bus.

We made idle chit chat with the other parents (all of whom I think now feel compelled to stay & wave after reading my post.  oops and *thats* a blog post for another day, too.) and waited as the bus did its loop and drove back past us.

We watched as the bus drove toward us & laughed about the wave & the fact we were never really sure our kids were even paying attention.

This time, however, we knew immediately our kids were watching & for certain they saw us.

This time the *entire* bus had moved to the side where we stood and every.single.kid.waved back at us.

Hands flailing. Out the windows. Major waving action.

For reasons I cant even entirely put into works this touched my heart.

Heck, even as I type this I’m getting a little misty eyed.

It has been one hundred and sixty two days since I vowed to spend 2012 living my priorities.

Some days Ive succeeded.

Many days Ive fallen short.

Yesterday, in that one brief moment with all the kids waving, I felt as though Id succeeded.

As if we’d all succeeded.

Those kids on the bus knew we’d stayed, we’d waited, & they were our priorities.

I dont yet know what form my ‘second wave’ will take over the summer.

I do know, however,  I will stop, wait, & make the time for it.

View the original article here

Do you make time for YOUR second wave?

We love our morning bus stop time.

Today it is eight months since the Tornado started the Garten of the Kinder.

Some days it feels as though she’s always been in school, but most days I still miss my sidekick.

I pine (yep. dropping the p-word.) so much I had a fleeting notion we mightcould need more children up in herre.

(Ill let you digest that for a moment)

Beyond the fact Im older than the hills Ill be 43 in three months, I realize it’s HER I miss.

Her spirit. Her spunk. Her attitude.

But I digress.

Seriously.

That’s not what this post is about.

Lets return to the morning bus stop time pictured above.

We. Have. The. Best. Morning. Routine. Ever.

We’re early risers so we’ve plenty of time to do our ‘morning necessities’ and still git our PLAYout on.

We jump rope.  We Skip It.  We play tag.  We play duck duck goose.  You get the idea.

By the time the bus arrives it practically feels as though we’ve had an entire day together (we up EARLY).

Because of this, when the Tornado asks as the bus arrives: can you stay for the second wave? I panic a bit in my too-long-to-do-list-must-get-to-work-bus-comes-BACK-at-330p heart.

You see, the second wave requires I stand & wait while the bus loops around, picks up other kids, and when as it passes again Im there.

To wave.

For a second time.

I’m not embarrassed to say (even with my off-track yammerings about missing her) most days my answer is no.

I skip the second wave so I can work. 

I pass on the second opportunity to flail my arms to return emails. 

I give her a shrug & a sorry so I can begin my writing a mere 5 minutes earlier.

And, each time I tell her NO, she says “OK Mama!” & climbs on the bus.

No whining.  No pouting.  No glimpse of the two and three year old whose meltdowns very nearly wore me out.

And this made me happy.  And proud. And think how amazingly grown-up & mature she’d become.

Until it occurred to me, on the 123rd day of living my priorities, the mom who skipped the second wave was not who I aspired be this year.

Do I really need a five minute head start on work? (No. I fritter away more than that during my day. I can steal the 5 minutes back from somewhere else.)

Is anything I “need” to do during the day more important than stopping, waiting & waving one more time when I know in a few short years she’ll be *begging* me not to do the first wave? 

The answer, for me, is a resounding no.

Im aware how fortunate I am to work from home (& if I forget my troll informs me. she be helpful that way).

Im up-at-the-crack working & up late at night writing—yet I have the luxury of being able to live my priorities.

Today, day 124, these priorities include starting to stay for the second wave.

Im also closing the comments.

I know the collective-you dont adore that, yet I also know when they’re open people feel compelled or obligated  to leave some thoughts.

I’d much rather you snag those same five minutes and spend them on your second wave.

Whatever form said ‘wave’ takes in your life.

View the original article here

The, uh, awkward second part of the boudoir story.

Because really.

It would not be *my* life if there werent some embarrassing, cringe-worthy side story to the whole thing.

Reason #39843948 why the play on words up in herre is MISFIT and not Miss.FIT.

Oh and also? Before I share? I need to let you know I realize there’s no way this will be as funny or horror-inducing to you as it was for me.

I acknowledge that & Im blogging onward.  It’s all about the acknowledging.

Last I left you I was a happy, self-confidence re-found misfit.

I met up with my photographer, went through the pictures with her (so fun) and immediately scampered home and uploaded them on to my laptop.

My old crappy laptop which tends to get a virus every third day no matter what ‘protection’ I use.

A few days later, not to my surprise, said laptop froze and I hauled it to its home away from home: the Computer Geeks.

They know me there. I like to think they like me there.

We chatted as The Geek jotted down my information.  And, as we frequently do, we joked about all the CRAZY excuses he hears (I wasnt surfing porn! I dont know what happened! Someone must have used my computer!) and all the hilarious, uh, stuffs he must find when repairing.

He was very circumspect, but he acknowledged they’ve found some pretty racy home videos saved to peoples hard drives.

I laughed. 

I may have made judgemental comments along the lines of:

Seriously? Why do people not take that OFF before they bring you the computer??

(I really cant recall. Ive repressed the whole thing)

I walked out of the store and only *then* did it hit me Id left him my laptop to repair CHOCK FULL OF REN MAN’S BOUDOIR “PRESENT.”

(see? here’s where I cant help but think this woman would have better set the scene and have you CRINGING along with her.  I flushed so hot I broke out in a sweat.)

Late that night he called and left me a cryptic message (Yes, Carla Ma’am?  I need you to call me.)

The next morning I went to the store (I knew he worked evenings) and could have sworn The Geek snickered as he told me Id have to come back and talk to my Geek (yes. that was the point. I am trying to avoid my Geek.  Cant YOU help me?).

Cringing, awkward phone calls later my laptop (and its self-esteem refinding pics) was fixed and ready for pick up.

I dragged the Tornado along with me in hopes had they planned to say anything that would…foil their plan.

The Tornado & I dashed into the store** and my laptop was bestowed upon me.

I KNOW I saw a glimmer of a smirk on the face of my Geek and the others in the store as he respectfully informed me I was all set and to bring it back if it gave me ANY trouble.

So now you know the whole story.

I did the pics for me. 

I did the shoot for Ren Man. 

And, apparently, I did the boudoir shoot to bring levity to the day of the Computer Geeks down the road.

Im thoughtful that way.

**out of ideas at this point I attempted to pretend I was my own twin.  I dressed super fancy (for me. by comparison.)  & hoped my Geek would be thrown off by this.  he was not.

View the original article here

The 4 second compliment.

Yesterday was cold and rainy in the ATX.

Im not complaining. Given our lack of rain the past year it was a welcome change and the perfect day to not exit the domicile and get lot of work finished.

Mid-day the doorbell rang (and rang and rang) and it was the UPS man.

I figured he needed me to sign for a package, but when I opened the door he said sheepishly:

No signature for this one. Im just curious what’s inside. All day it has been saying (insert words from video snippet below) and it made me laugh. What is it?!

Given the close relationship he and I have (one to which all other bloggers can relate Im sure) I invited him into the kitchen and ripped into the box.

Inside was a product promotion and this:

A random button (with an on & off switch thank goodness) which each time you press bestows upon you some Sweet Talking Ken-like words.**

I tried to convince the UPS man to keep it (he admitted it had made him smile throughout his day) but he refused.

The Tornado, however, was happy to appropriate it as her own.

She ambled around Austin all afternoon button-pressing and announcing to friends & strangers alike:

Hold on. I have a compliment for you!

It made me smile.

It made her giggle.

It caused more than a few weather-grumpy folks to reluctantly let out a laugh.

She’s already up and at it (if by ‘it’ you mean running around pressing the WOW button which I do) and we’re heading out for breakfast.

Look for us Austin.

We’re coming.

We’re bearing four second compliments.

And we’re looking for you!

**I never did figure out how this linked in with the product promo.  anyone else receive this ‘treat?’

View the original article here

Sex and the City - The Complete Second Season [VHS]

A smart and savvy (albeit highly stylized) look at the single lives of four thirtysomething Manhattan women, Sex and the City: The Complete Second Season builds on the foundation of its first season with plot arcs that are both hilarious and heartfelt, taking the show from breakout hit to true pop-culture phenomenon. Relationship epiphanies coexist happily alongside farcical plots and zingy one-liners, resulting in emotionally satisfying episodes that feature the sharp kind of character-defining dialogue that seems to have disappeared from the rest of TV long ago. When last we left the NYC gals, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) had just broken up with a commitment-phobic Mr. Big (Chris Noth), but fans of Noth's seductive-yet-distant rake didn't have to wait long until he was back in the picture, as he and Carrie tried to make another go of it. Their relationship evolution, from reunion to second breakup, provides the core of the second season. The fittingly titled and keenly observed episode "Evolution" found Carrie trying to leave a few feminine belongings at Mr. Big's apartment with little success, charting the challenges and limits of intimacy. And the season's finale, "Ex and the City," was a melancholy goodbye for Carrie and Big that took its cue from The Way We Were. It wasn't all angst, though: among other adventures, Charlotte (Kristin Davis) puzzles over whether one of her beaus was "gay-straight" or "straight-gay"; Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) tries to date a guy who insists on having sex only in places where they might get caught; and Samantha (the exquisite Kim Cattrall) copes with dates who range from, um, not big enough to far too big--with numerous stops in between. Through it all, the four actresses cohered into a solid ensemble that played on their complex relationships among themselves as well as with men; in two short years, Parker and company became one of the best TV casts in over a decade. And to top it all off, the second season offers 18 episodes, six more than the first. Sometimes size really can make a difference! --Mark Englehart

Price: $49.98

Click here to buy from Amazon

Weight Maintenance: A Second Chance For Vigilance

As you know from my last blog (see “Mathilda”), our dog Mathilda woke up lame in her hind legs on Wednesday. After our vet treated her conservatively (because of her age…she’s 10) with large doses of steroids, we took her home from the animal hospital on Friday. She’s still a little wobbly, but she can walk short distances fairly well and can go down the front stairs with a little help from us supporting her with a beach towel around her middle.

(Mathilda enjoying her nightly treat last night.)

I feel like I've been given a second chance to appreciate Mathilda. While it’s never easy to put a pet down, I wasn’t “ready” to do it right now. Not that I’ll ever be ready, but at least I’ll have more peace with it when it comes because I was given a second chance.

Second chances don’t come around every day, and often when we’re offered one, we don’t recognize it as such. We take so much for granted, or we allow things to happen to us without fighting back – a sort of “Oh well” approach to life – which leaves us blind to those second-chance opportunities.

Since reaching my goal weight in 2007, I recognized this time (because I’d been to “goal” before) as a second (or more accurately, a tenth) chance to figure out the right way to maintain my weight and appreciate my body unlike I’d done before. But just how does one maintain? What are the emotional mechanics involved? Lori at Finding Radiance (she’s maintaining a 100-pound weight loss) got me thinking about this in her blog last week about our impulse to eat (see “Deep Thoughts On Will Power”).

Here's a portion of what she wrote (the emphasis is mine): “There are still those days where I feel driven to eat – absolutely driven, even if I am not hungry. It’s not really emotional, either. The thoughts pop up while I am working, or watching TV, or while biking. That’s just not what genetically ‘normal weight’ people are like. It takes an enormous amount of control to not chow my way through a box of cereal or use a spoon in the nut butter jar. Sometimes I give in. I wonder why is it that I have control over this impulse (at least for now) that not a lot of people have. And how long will I have it? Will it just get to be too tiring after a while, like it does for the majority of people who lose weight? The vigilance can really be tiring at times as it is 24/7/365.”

There are a LOT of great responses on her post, so I urge you to read it in its entirety. But what about those questions: Why is it some people who are losing weight or in maintenance have control over that eating impulse and some do not? Is vigilance the key (and if so, what else is involved)? Or does vigilance stand in the way and get tiring after awhile?

As I commented on Lori’s blog, what makes one person more likely to maintain than another is like pondering the beginnings of the universe. There are so many possibilities, and the combination of success-inducing factors for each individual is endless.

In my case, I didn’t keep weight off in the past because I hadn’t learned or accepted that the way I eat during and after losing weight MUST be different than before, and it must stay that way forever and ever. I credit stubbornness and my teenager-like positive response to reverse psychology for being able to maintain. If you tell me that 95 percent of people who lose weight will gain it back, therefore I probably will, too, I’ll tell you, “No way. Not me.”

It’s a quasi-obsession, and not such a bad one to have as long as I stay mindful of what is realistically possible – for instance, maintaining around 130 rather than 125, and being open to changes in my body that might take my weight a little higher due to circumstances beyond my control.

I am also convinced that at some point, the kind of vigilance to my food environment and impulses that I’ve adopted will become second nature, like knowing intuitively that in order to walk I must put one foot in front of the other.

I know this tide of change is well under way because of how I responded to food after my knee surgery in June. I was sad and frustrated many times (still am on occasion) and could have chosen to comfort myself with all my old favorites, but that didn’t occur to me. I just kept on eating the way I always had, adding a few more calories when I was hungry (healing from an injury, I’m convinced, revved up my metabolism).

Sometimes those extra calories came from adding a whole egg to my otherwise egg-white omelet or throwing a tablespoon of mini chocolate chips into a dish of fat-free strawberry ice cream. A far cry from dollops of butter on a half a loaf of French bread or a chocolate chip cookie and a not non-fat latte from Starbucks, as per the other times I’d made “goal” because I felt that somehow I was “safe” to eat whatever I wanted.

Recovering from this surgery, I didn’t stray from my normal food plan, partly because my stomach simply can’t handle the calorie load anymore, but mostly because I never want to feel that kind of fullness that I experienced after third helpings of dinner when I was 300 pounds. This time, there was no reaching for Tums or regrets the next morning over any of my choices the day before. Thanks to this vigilance-turned-second-nature, the scale has held steady and my clothes still fit.

Now I find comfort not so much in the food but in my food plan. It’s like the towel we wrap around Mathilda’s hind quarters to support her when she goes down stairs.

Can everyone who loses weight adopt this kind of vigilance? I really don’t know. Everyone’s physical and psychological makeup is different. Stubbornness isn’t something you learn and obsession isn’t something everyone sees as a positive attribute. Succeeding in maintenance requires each of us to find our own way to that second nature. But we won’t get there without first seeing it as the second chance that it is.

View the original article here

Crazy. Busy. Avoiding the Second Arrow

I don’t get too busy too often, and when I do, it’s usually not for more than a day, maybe two. This last week, though, has been non-stop busy, and it’s given me a huge appreciation for those of you who’ve told me how hard it is to plan your menu for a day, let alone a week, because your schedules are so hectic. I kind of get that now.

I forgot to eat dinner on Thursday night and ate a bowl of Grape-Nuts when I woke up very hungry at 2 a.m. I slammed down a Subway Veggie Delite on my way home from Pittsburgh late Friday night and it sat in my stomach like a lead balloon. (For the record, I love Subway’s veggie sandwich, but the bread was overkill after a day saturated with simple carbs.)

Saturday I was up early, went to a bridal shower, had lunch with my daughter, came home, showered and went out again…another missed dinner. When I got home at midnight, I had a PB2 sandwich and a Hershey Bliss. Granted, that’s a far cry from the days of grilled Spam and Velvetta sandwiches or 3-egg ham and cheese omelets, but still…chocolate and peanut butter at midnight?

It’s not easy to be prepared for everything and all circumstances, but I had advanced warning for several of the things that made me busy. But rather than plan my food like I usually do, I flew by the seat of my pants. Not my most stellar move.

The crazy business of the week involves many things: Mathilda’s death (we put her down last Tuesday, poor girl’s legs just weren’t going to work anymore), my knee, the lack of hard-core aerobic exercise, and, without boring you with details, a kinda sorta messy personal life. When it rains it pours.

It’s rained like this before when I’ve lost weight and…surprise, surprise…I was unable to maintain my weight loss. The culprit was always eating whatever whenever and not giving any thought to my body and what it needed. The things that were falling apart around me superseded that and I sought comfort in food rather than a fully alive and functioning body.

I can see how this could happen again, but I’ve got a rock solid maintenance mentality on my side. I trust that all I’ve learned in the last four years will keep me from straying too far.

I also trust the guidance of the Buddhist teaching of the second arrow, that when we encounter pain (when we’re shot with the first arrow), we have the choice of how we handle that pain. We can blame or whine or indulge (hello chocolate cake!), trying to run away from the pain (thus shooting ourselves with the second arrow), or we can experience the pain of the original arrow and live from within that pain and work out the best course of action that will not further our suffering.

Sometimes it sucks to feel that first arrow. OK, who am I kidding? It usually ALWAYS sucks to feel the pain of the first arrow. But in maintenance, I’m going to do all I can to not further my suffering by piling on a few or 20 pounds.

This week I will do my best to stay mindful, to treat myself and my body kindly. Not eating, carbohydrate shock – these are second arrows. And god knows I’ve got enough to deal with with that first arrow than work around the emotional complications of that second one.

In terms of food and taking care of yourself, how do you deal with that first arrow?

View the original article here

Weight Maintenance: A Second Chance For Vigilance

As you know from my last blog (see “Mathilda”), our dog Mathilda woke up lame in her hind legs on Wednesday. After our vet treated her conservatively (because of her age…she’s 10) with large doses of steroids, we took her home from the animal hospital on Friday. She’s still a little wobbly, but she can walk short distances fairly well and can go down the front stairs with a little help from us supporting her with a beach towel around her middle.

(Mathilda enjoying her nightly treat last night.)

I feel like I've been given a second chance to appreciate Mathilda. While it’s never easy to put a pet down, I wasn’t “ready” to do it right now. Not that I’ll ever be ready, but at least I’ll have more peace with it when it comes because I was given a second chance.

Second chances don’t come around every day, and often when we’re offered one, we don’t recognize it as such. We take so much for granted, or we allow things to happen to us without fighting back – a sort of “Oh well” approach to life – which leaves us blind to those second-chance opportunities.

Since reaching my goal weight in 2007, I recognized this time (because I’d been to “goal” before) as a second (or more accurately, a tenth) chance to figure out the right way to maintain my weight and appreciate my body unlike I’d done before. But just how does one maintain? What are the emotional mechanics involved? Lori at Finding Radiance (she’s maintaining a 100-pound weight loss) got me thinking about this in her blog last week about our impulse to eat (see “Deep Thoughts On Will Power”).

Here's a portion of what she wrote (the emphasis is mine): “There are still those days where I feel driven to eat – absolutely driven, even if I am not hungry. It’s not really emotional, either. The thoughts pop up while I am working, or watching TV, or while biking. That’s just not what genetically ‘normal weight’ people are like. It takes an enormous amount of control to not chow my way through a box of cereal or use a spoon in the nut butter jar. Sometimes I give in. I wonder why is it that I have control over this impulse (at least for now) that not a lot of people have. And how long will I have it? Will it just get to be too tiring after a while, like it does for the majority of people who lose weight? The vigilance can really be tiring at times as it is 24/7/365.”

There are a LOT of great responses on her post, so I urge you to read it in its entirety. But what about those questions: Why is it some people who are losing weight or in maintenance have control over that eating impulse and some do not? Is vigilance the key (and if so, what else is involved)? Or does vigilance stand in the way and get tiring after awhile?

As I commented on Lori’s blog, what makes one person more likely to maintain than another is like pondering the beginnings of the universe. There are so many possibilities, and the combination of success-inducing factors for each individual is endless.

In my case, I didn’t keep weight off in the past because I hadn’t learned or accepted that the way I eat during and after losing weight MUST be different than before, and it must stay that way forever and ever. I credit stubbornness and my teenager-like positive response to reverse psychology for being able to maintain. If you tell me that 95 percent of people who lose weight will gain it back, therefore I probably will, too, I’ll tell you, “No way. Not me.”

It’s a quasi-obsession, and not such a bad one to have as long as I stay mindful of what is realistically possible – for instance, maintaining around 130 rather than 125, and being open to changes in my body that might take my weight a little higher due to circumstances beyond my control.

I am also convinced that at some point, the kind of vigilance to my food environment and impulses that I’ve adopted will become second nature, like knowing intuitively that in order to walk I must put one foot in front of the other.

I know this tide of change is well under way because of how I responded to food after my knee surgery in June. I was sad and frustrated many times (still am on occasion) and could have chosen to comfort myself with all my old favorites, but that didn’t occur to me. I just kept on eating the way I always had, adding a few more calories when I was hungry (healing from an injury, I’m convinced, revved up my metabolism).

Sometimes those extra calories came from adding a whole egg to my otherwise egg-white omelet or throwing a tablespoon of mini chocolate chips into a dish of fat-free strawberry ice cream. A far cry from dollops of butter on a half a loaf of French bread or a chocolate chip cookie and a not non-fat latte from Starbucks, as per the other times I’d made “goal” because I felt that somehow I was “safe” to eat whatever I wanted.

Recovering from this surgery, I didn’t stray from my normal food plan, partly because my stomach simply can’t handle the calorie load anymore, but mostly because I never want to feel that kind of fullness that I experienced after third helpings of dinner when I was 300 pounds. This time, there was no reaching for Tums or regrets the next morning over any of my choices the day before. Thanks to this vigilance-turned-second-nature, the scale has held steady and my clothes still fit.

Now I find comfort not so much in the food but in my food plan. It’s like the towel we wrap around Mathilda’s hind quarters to support her when she goes down stairs.

Can everyone who loses weight adopt this kind of vigilance? I really don’t know. Everyone’s physical and psychological makeup is different. Stubbornness isn’t something you learn and obsession isn’t something everyone sees as a positive attribute. Succeeding in maintenance requires each of us to find our own way to that second nature. But we won’t get there without first seeing it as the second chance that it is.

View the original article here