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Showing posts with label Romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romance. Show all posts

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Fitness Romance Saga: Dirty Little Secrets

(If you’re new to the Saga, follow it from the beginning.)

Back inside Darla and Tom’s apartment, where nosy neighbors could no longer get a peep-hole view into the hallway of their domestic woes, the medics did a patch-me-up job on Tom’s bloody leg. No ambulance ride necessary. No stitches required. Officer Janssen was just about done questioning Darla on the events of the evening to decide who might potentially be cuffed and taken down to the station. But after 15 minutes of talking to the couple, and especially considering the disheveled state of the apartment (broken glass, an overturned chair, and plate of food smashed onto the wall), Officer Janssen was still suspicious.

“Ma’am, are you sure you weren’t assaulted or injured in any way by your husband this evening?”

“What the hell else do you want me to say?” said Darla. “It’s just like my husband told it to you. I’ve been drinking. I got a little loud — we both did. I knocked the stupid lamp over and it cut his leg. Am I under arrest unless I apologize to the bastard? I would have made it up to him if you cops hadn’t shown up.”

In Darla’s sarcasm, she made close eye contact with Janssen and gestured to insinuate she was going to flash her breasts at him, but then quickly turned to face Tom before exposing herself and jiggling her boobs from side to side with Girl’s Gone Wild fanfare (Officer Janssen had a few of those DVD’s back at his house).

“Ma’am, please cover yourself now!” Janssen spoke with firm authority. Tom scrambled to cover Darla’s silicone implanted boobs by forcing her hands off of her shirt while simultaneously making a plea to Officer Janssen.

“Sir, my wife has no physical injuries and she’s obviously not pressing charges for anything I’ve done – as if she’d have a reason to?” Tom spoke in a calm voice. Dealing with Darla’s games and self destructive issues gave him plenty of practice in how to calm his temper that was famous for getting him into trouble. He was also getting very good at covering up Darla’s pill-popping problems.

“Can’t we just say our goodnights now? Me and the wife will calm it down. We’re really sorry about the noise.”

Darla let out an obnoxious burst of loud laughter, plopped backwards onto the edge of the couch, then slipped off and then fell on her ass in a real life version of that famous texting lingo, “ROFLMAO” (Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off). Both Tom and Janssen ignored Darla.

“Sir, I’m going to ask you to leave the premises for the evening so your wife can sleep off the alcohol without causing anymore disturbances tonight. It’s either that or she can sleep it off downtown. Do you have somewhere you can go?”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me? Tell me you’re joking.” Now Tom was pissed off.

“No, sir. Pack a quick bag if you have to. I’ll wait, but make it fast.”

“Fine. I’m outta here then. And f-ck you, Darla!” Tom’s “f-ck you” came out with such anger and force, that spit flew out of his mouth. A visible vein began to swell on the side of his head near his temple. He grabbed his keys and stormed out of the apartment. But not too stormy, because his leg still hurts and he’s gotta watch his temper, ya know. He drove off in his Acura TL, wanting to floor it past the parked cop car, but he knew better than that.

Darla was all alone now, and not one bit upset that Tom was forced out for the night. She liked it better with him gone.  No one to bitch at her about getting well and maybe even finding a job. Ahhh, the quiet. The quiet would help her relax ever so slightly until Jerome showed up with more pills. She grabbed her cell and dialed him up. She needed that Oxycodone.

Jerome is 28-years-old. He’s tall, dark-skinned and handsome with a fine-ass face and a sexy frame. But he’s not your stereotypical drug dealer guy. Jerome doesn’t work street corners selling product. He’s got a rich mommy and daddy, an Exercise and Sport Science degree from Temple University, and a really good job. So maybe we’ll find out later why he’s got a part-time gig as a pill pusher.

He was always prompt to answer and deliver Darla’s product in a timely fashion. She was one of his best customers. There was a knock at the door within 20 minutes of her phone call. Yes, it’s Jerome and hell yes, he has what she wants – what she needs. Jerome stood at the door with a smirk on his face and a pill in his hand. He stuck his head inside the door, not really sure if Tom was gone like Darla alleged.

“Tom took all the cash in the house. He must’ve already had it in his pockets before the cops showed up,”  Darla made a freebie-pills-plea to Jerome.

“Girl, why did you call me out here if you don’t have the cash?” Jerome’s voice wasn’t harsh – he didn’t sound upset at all. His voice was like a soothing salve, actually. He reached in close to caress her face and whispered in her ear, “What can you give me instead?”

Jerome knew Darla since before her boot camp back injury; since before she was hooked on pills; since before she knew he had part-time drug gig, and way before she was married to Tom. Jerome actually cared for Darla – he had for a very long time. But could he really care for her and be her supplier? Was that possible? Perhaps it’s more complicated than that.

What is he doing? Darla didn’t have much time to think. Still inside the open doorway, Jerome took off his shirt and grabbed her with gentle force. Darla didn’t refuse him. At some point soon after that the door finally closed shut, but not before one last peep-hole-nosy neighbor witnessed Darla and Jerome’s newborn lust transpire. Shameeka Jones in apartment 2C saw it happen.

He decided to pass on the invitation to crash at his best friend Barry’s house (Barry partied too much lately), so Tom drove over to the 24-hour gym to work off his stress instead. He had his plan all thought out: I don’t care if my leg hurts. I’ll focus on upper body work and then grab a bite to eat at that diner across the street. Then I’ll go back home to my Darla. I should be home in less than two hours. I’ll give her one pill – just one. We’ll patch things up. I’m gonna get her the help she needs.

But after only 15 minutes in the weight room, he cut everything short. He even canceled his eating plans. Tom was back in the car and his way home to Darla.

Stay tuned for the next episode in the Fitness Romance Saga.


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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Fitness Romance Saga: Noisy Neighbors

(If you’re new to the Saga, follow it from the beginning.)

Gina’s tear-soaked slumber didn’t last very long. After only a few weeks in her new place she was pretty much used to the middle of the night wake up calls, courtesy of thin walls and those newly weds in Apartment 3C. “That damned Darla and Tom,” Gina mumbled to herself. Those two always chose the midnight-ish hour for either a session of passionate jack-hammering or arguing (or sometimes both at the same time). Not that Gina knew them personally. She was “introduced” to this couple via information they unintentionally shared through those thin walls, of course.

She’d been in and out of sleep for more than 4-hours now. There would have been plenty of time to toss and turn, wallow some more, fall asleep, and wake up to wallow again, but Darla and Tom made that impossible for Gina right now. Tonight, Apartment 3C served up the high decibel sounds of a heated argument with a side of “I’m gonna call the f-cking cops, you bastard!” screamed Darla.

Gina rolled her eyes and squashed an extra pillow on top of her head. Surely it would amplify her bed head in the morning.

Darla was high again. After last year’s boot camp back injury (led by a half-assed uncertified instructor for waaay cheaper than those other boot camps), she was compelled to keep poppin’ the Oxycodone after her prescriptions and physical therapy benefits ran dry. Now Darla had a new source; a source named Jerome who accepted cash only and was happy to make midnight deliveries. 

“Oh really? You’re gonna call the cops on ME? How stupid is that, Darla?” Tom barked back with sarcasm. “Baby, I love you. You gotta get off this shit.” His sarcasm quickly melted into a heartfelt plea.

“Leave me the hell alone! I need to call Jerome.” Darla slurred her words and took a strong swing into the air that made her lose her balance and knock over the glass lamp that shattered to the floor. It was a wedding gift (well actually, they’d bought the lamp with a Target gift card they got as a wedding gift).

“F-ck!” Tom grabbed his leg and then slowly lifted his hand to uncover the stinging part. It revealed a shard of lamp glass nestled in his calve.

Thud-thud-thud. There was a rude sequence of bangs at the door. Tom did a split second mental survey of who it might be. That can’t be Jerome.

“Well that’s just great. It’s prob’ly the cops. I can’t believe this shit,” said Tom, shaking his head as he scanned the room for something to wipe his bloody leg. Darla offered no help and didn’t give a damn who was at the door. She was across the room, crouched down on her hands and knees in search of  “maybe one last pill” that might have accidentally dropped on the floor. But nope. She only scored one lonely Cheerio and a toenail clipping that somehow eluded the vacuum earlier in the day.

The glass shard was bigger than Tom first thought. Thud-thud-thud. He pulled the shard out fast with an annoying scrunched-looked on his face and clinch of the teeth, then he took off his Fruit Of The Loom tee to wrap it around his leg before doing a limp-hop to the thudding door. The blood was already soaking through the tee.

Yep. It’s the cops. Two of ‘em.

Gina was awake again, but this time out of bed and in nosy-neighbor stance with the front door cracked ever so slightly to peek at the commotion. She assumed Tom was the shirtless one in the hallway. Helloooo, Tom. Gina didn’t expect to see him shirtless and, just like Darla, she didn’t seem to notice Tom’s blood-gushing leg.

The officer radioed in, “We need a medic here.”

Gina shut the door, opened up a fresh pint of Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack, and hopped online to play Facebook Scrabble – anything to take her mind off of Tom’s bulging chest muscles. Gina knew married-man chest muscles were off limits (and so was Late Night Snack, but it somehow made it into her freezer anyway). She giggled at the thought of her ex-husband, Michael, with “Married Man Chest Muscles” branded on his chest. Maybe it would have sent any respectable skank lusting after a different, non-married man. Too bad her former best friend, Andrea, didn’t play by Respectable Skank Rule #99: thou shalt not f-ck around with another woman’s husband. This was an ancient Respectable Skank Rule that could be traced back to those biblical Ten Commandments.

Gina giggled again, this time at the tastiness of Late Night Snack, and without the knowledge that at that very same moment, back in New York, Andrea and Michael lay snuggled up together watching True Blood and sipping wine. Those bastards.

Read more episodes in the Fitness Romance Saga.


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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Fitness Romance Saga: Gina Meets Dick

The stench of Dick Janssen’s workout funk didn’t bother her at all. Gina was new in town and sorta desperate. The prospect of a hot date with Dick after last month’s exhausting coast to coast drive to finally settle in a new city meant she was ready to make new friends and finally put the past behind her.

This man was a smooth talker – smoother than those honey dipped silken kisses Gina dreamed of getting from a sexy-ish man like Dick. With her free, 2-week gym pass about to expire, Dick not only convinced her to buy a membership she couldn’t afford, he also somehow persuaded her to buy him an ice cold water bottle and his favorite snack bar out the vending machine. In Gina’s mind everything was off to great start. A man was paying her some attention again. And he was kinda cute.

“This guy really likes me,” she whispered to herself as she headed out the gym.

Their date was set for 7pm tonight and there was planning to do. This special occasion called for a brand new outfit. Gina checked online with fingers crossed in hopes that her credit card wasn’t maxed out again. It wasn’t enough for a shopping trip to H&M, so she settled on Walmart.

Current Balance: $9,968

Available Balance: $32

Gina arrived on the Walmart scene, weaving in and out of the customers, right past the most fashionable chick in the house, to bolt to the clearance racks. Outfit accomplished!

A Hot Date Is Brewing

There was a knock at the door at 7:30pm. Dick was late, but it was still terrible timing. Gina was stuck in the bathroom thanks to an all too enticing Taco Bell experience on the ride home from Walmart. By the time she exited the bathroom, Dick was on his way back to his car, but Gina whipped out her treadmilling skills and bolted out the door into the parking lot. She didn’t let Dick get away.

He reached out to rub her shoulder and leaned to kiss her cheek. “Hey, Gina. You’re lookin’ good, baby.”

Gina smiled. She couldn’t remember the last time someone told her she looked good, and that kiss sent a tingle down her spine. But her delight faded fast into a face full of confusion.

“Ohhh, I see you’re still in your gym clothes from earlier?” Although there was no doubt of his attire, Gina couldn’t help but to ask the question.

“Yeah, I decided to keep it casual,” Dick said in a defensive tone. His fresh, post-workout funk from hours ago was now extra rancid. The smell slightly reminded Gina of the stench from that dead rat inside the wall of her old New York City apartment. And to enhance this situation, the parking lot lights shined perfectly to reveal the yellow armpits stains on Dick’s white tee.

“Listen, Dick. I’m not feeling too well and I’m gonna stay home tonight.”

“Well how about I come in and nurse you back to health?” he forcibly suggested. Dick grabbed her hand and walked towards her apartment, but Gina already decided she didn’t want anything Dick had to offer. All should could think about was that pricey gym membership he duped her into buying and the vending food she bought him with the last change in her pocket. Gina stopped in her tracks and yanked her hand out from his.

“Sorry, Dick. I’m in for the night. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Up All Night

Now back in her apartment, alone, cuddled up her in favorite blanket and sobbing tears way past midnight, Gina wondered how she had sunk so low. Where has she gone wrong? Back in her teens, she supposed. Her choice in men and what she would tolerate from them proved to be a repeated fail. Gina had started working hard on her fitness long before her divorce back East, but her accomplishments of “slim and fit” as the solution to somehow lift herself out of low self esteem and make up for her mistakes and pain from the past was just not working.

In that moment, with her blanket almost entirely over her head and with a face soaked with tears, Gina had a revelation: her outer beauty would never heal her inner wounds and struggles.

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Stay tuned for future episodes of the Fitness Romance Saga!


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