Confessions of a Home Gym Harlot

A woman who boldly thrusts her body into frequent acts of fitness while in the comfort of her home. She does not earn an income for these feats, but imagines herself stuffing cash money into her bosom anyway. This is home gym harlotry at its finest.

THE HARLOT’S CONFESSIONS…

Meh. The reality is, I don’t even have dedicated home gym space. I just have rooms… in my house…where gym-type gadgets are stuffed in corners.I do most of my dirty work before the sun comes up. This is good for avoiding the non-exercising peoples of the household who wanna stare at me while I workout and accuse me of not going hard enough.There is this thing called a man cave. It’s where the husband goes to hide from me and smoke cigars. I just might overrun that cave with my harlotry. I’d fill it with used commercial gym equipment to keep it frugal, and then flood the place with the armpit sweat of 10,000 burpees.My sports bras no longer have that infused fitness-funk odor. I solved that problem. But visible sweat in the crotch of my workouts shorts after a session of cardio intervals is pretty much this harlot’s ongoing nightmare.At one point the oldest greedy turned smart-ass and moved out to avoid obeying house rules. It was at that moment I began to convert her room into a gym. That is, until she called three weeks later begging with tears to come back home. My next-level home gym plans…ruined.I squat while cooking dinner, mountain climb while the child splashes in the tub, and can drop it like it’s hot right down into corpse pose. Finding time for such harlotry is the mark of a well-refined woman.My formerly-fancy foam roller now has many pencil-stab-holes in it. This harlot can’t have nothing nice while her pack of feral spawns still live at home. One child even destroyed the only bike I’ve ever owned. Is it now a pile of rust, rotting at the nearest landfill. As you have probably now concluded, the art of home gym harlotry is not always a walk in the park. Yet I’ve recently heard of the electric biking phenomenon (view electric bikes online). Perhaps this is the answer for a speedy getaway? I shall ride off into the sunset to do my harlotry in peace.

[end confessions]

Important Notice to All Women: I desire to increase the size of my bosom by filling it with more cash money. You can therefore unleash your inner harlot and rent me out as a Man-Cave Evictor, where applicable. The man-evacuee is gonna be pissed, but at least you’ll gain some extra square footage for yourself. Only $499 per eviction. Totally available for the job.

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