Once upon a time.
In Chapel Hill a land far far away.
I owned a personal training studio.
Blurry, I know. The early 90s were a blurry time.There were myriad benefits to owning the studio, but one of the biggest was Ren Man & I could go in at the *crack* of dawn and lift together.
Not only did these sessions create muscle—the strengthened our marital bonds, too.
They also provided me with a life-insight which has served me tremendously the past 18 (!) years.
But Im getting ahead of myself.
Ren Man and I would lift together & I served as his spotter *and* cheerleader.
Two more! Come on. You have two more reps in you!!! Id scream let him know.
And, 90% of the time, he’d eek out those reps impressing even himself with his strength.
When Ren Man and I lifted together we quickly found I needed a spotter—-not a cheerleader.
Two more! He’d encourage when I went to rack the weights. I’d stop anyway.
Ten more pounds! He’d suggest as I lay down to bench press. Id ignore him & lift the weight I’d planned.
Ill *stop* smiling if you cheer.me.on!It was during those interactions I realized how different our language of encouragement is.
When cheered on I tend to stop sooner than I otherwise might (hence the play on a MISFIT moniker for this blog)
Ren Man? When cheered on/encouraged he was motivated to do more than he thought he could.
Around this time I also started helping a friend whose goal was to lose 100 pounds.
Each day we’d chat I’d ask about her workouts & eating plan.
I soon noticed our daily calls tapered to once a week and then far more sporadic than that.
When I asked why she explained my “nagging” made her feel pressured and like a failure if she didnt measure up.
Cue life-insight moment part two.
Both of these scenarios helped me realize how vastly different all of our Languages of Encouragement are.
I do not respond well to “cheering-on” as I feel I know my limitations better than someone else.
I do respond well to “checking ins” with regards to my goals as I hear it as the fact the other person they CARES.
It was in then I realized I needed to ask all the people in my life (loved ones to clients) to define for me their Language of Encouragement.
I now knew if I didnt stop to ask what words *they* needed to feel encouraged/supported I’d fall back upon using *my* language. Actions and words which may not resonate with them.
(looks up from her travels down memory lane to see if anyone is still here)
I know Ive given you more info about me than you’d ever hoped to hear—but the realization above changed my life for the better.
I now know precisely what I need from others to feel supported and encouraged (and yes. 18 years later Im still a misfit).
I now know, when someone asks me for help, I need to ask what their Language of Encouragement is before I can assist.
Now you.
Have you made the time to define your Language of Encouragement? Have you shared this language with others in your life?
If youve never considered this concept before: what actions/words result in your feeling supported? What well meaning words can cause you to feel discouraged?
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