Today’s the day society says you have to give away buckets of candy to those kids who show up for free stuff but are NOWHERE to be found when you need something shoveled. Any dieter knows that bringing a Pumpkin Ton of candy into your house is like bringing a Pumpkin Ton of candy into your mouth. So what to do? Try these strategies on Halloween for Dieters.
1. Buy those SUPER chewy carmel thingies with the creamy center. It is a major workout to eat them, muscle burning AND cardio. Plus it takes until Thanksgiving to get through one so you’ll consume fewer calories.
2. Give out toothbrushes. This will ensure you get a bunch of free eggs, already scrambled, delivered right to your door. Yay protein!
3. Pass out your home canned vegetables. As you distribute the cans also explain the importance of sustainable agriculture. While you’re explaining get them to sign a hold harmless against botulism poisoning claims. Some of these parents are so litigous.
4. Fill your cauldron with water! Drink up sister, for a couple of reasons. First of all it’s how Demi Moore stays so thin. Right? Second you’ll be fuller and less likely to steal from your own spawn when they bring in mini-peanut butter cups.
5. Exercise like flying monkeys are chasing you.
6. No matter WHAT your strategy towards the end of the night when the line of kids dwindles to a trickle make sure to dump that candy. If the last kid gets an entire bag so be it. Tell that kid you’ve always liked him the best.
7. Plan your November 1st breakfast today. Write your journal, count up your points/cals/carbs, layout your workout clothes so you can get after it on November 1st.
8. Visit here November 1st. There’s going to be some witches at work that push their extra candy on you. We’re on it with a printable. See you in November.
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