You’re not a priority right now.

I have a handler?!

About a year ago (pre-packing up & moving to Oakland. pre-trying to settle us in a new ‘hood. pre-really having any sense of what busy really truly was…) I made a decision to change the way I spoke.

You see, when asked to participate in something (work or pleasure), Id noticed Id begun to respond:

Gosh, school volunteering/book club/starting a girl scout troop etc sounds great—Im just too busy right now.

It wasnt a lie per se as my feeling *slammed* & busy really was the direct result of too many YESes.

(MizFit note: A friend & I like to refer to this TOO BUSY! feeling as ‘being in the corner.’ A shortened, slang’ish version of being backed into a corner. As in “Ugh. Im having a rough morning. Im in the corner.” I love the phrase & its accompanying visual.)

The problem/mental discord with my state of busyness arose—as it often does—-when stepped back and was honest with myself.

I lived with margins. I was busy. We all are, but when I declined an opportunity it was entirely because it was not a priority in that moment.

The realization—while initially uncomfortable—was not necessarily a bad thing.

When I stopped to consider it I was forced to acknowledge Id conveyed the priority sentiment all along each time I said NO.

(Again not a bad thing. Im a big advocate of NOing & believe in drawing boundaries in Sharpie as it keeps me out of said corner.)

The change occurred when I chose to no longer to say the phrase:

Im too busy

And instead replace it with:

It’s not a priority right now

Do you want to join our book club? It’s not a priority right now.Will you come to my twitter chat? It’s not a priority right now.Do you wanna see a movie? It’s not a priority right now.

I never actually used those words as, to me, they felt borderline rude . I imagined saying them, the reaction they’d garner and *challenged* myself to decide if that was really the sentiment I wanted to convey.

Sometimes it was precisely what I meant & needed only to be more gently phrased (it wasnt a priority to see a movie. the Tornado has circus class at the same time. right now she’s my priority).

Other times it was not what I intended at all.

And many times my immediate reaction of being too “busy” was in direct opposition to my striving to live my priorities.

Changing how I phrased my NO’s (even only in my head) served as a repeated reminder life didnt just happen to me. Every action, every commitment, every addition to my ever-growing to-do list was a choice.

all priorities right now

This shift in semantics has been a struggle.

Yet removing my ability to give the ‘socially acceptable’ answer (when did being busy!busy! become an admirable trait?) has immeasurably helped me prioritize my life.

Flash forward to the other night.

Flash forward to my being asked to do something.

Flash forward to my semi-overwhelmed gut reaction being:

I’d love to. It would be fun. Im just too busy right now.

Flash forward to my learned mental rephrasing of:

Im sorry. That just isnt a priority for me right now.

Flash forward to my reflexive (finally! took a year!) internal evaluation/realization of:

YES. Yes Im busy. Yes Ill do this. Yes it’s a priority!

Why am I sharing this today?

Because Im grateful.

Im thankful someone took the time to share the concept above with me.Im grateful Ive made the choice to feel the discomfort that comes from acknowledging to myself what’s a priority and what’s not.I appreciate I learned life “in the corner” is not a badge of honor *before* I missed out on things/experiences. *shes* a priority right now.

In that vein, I give you the Tornado’s elementary school’s new mascot.

RAWRRR…

I learned the hard way, however (oops!), Im not supposed to tell my seven year old friends it’s me.

So…

…or Ill get fired.

Have you swapped the phrase “Im too busy” for “It’s not a priority right now” too?

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Are You Your Own Priority?

“Woke up. Fell out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Found my way downstairs and had a cup…” and that’s where my life stopped being like the rest of the song today. I don’t smoke and I didn’t go into a dream. I did, however, read the news. Oh boy.

Today I’ve spoken aloud three times: to the clerk at the liquor store, the clerk at the grocery store, and a guy standing at the ATM. Our conversation:

Him: “It sometimes does an upgrade thing at 3:00. It usually only takes a few minutes.”

Me: “I’ll come back later.”

My conversations with the clerks were shorter. “Credit, please” “Paper,” and “Thank you.”

I’ve grown accustomed to days like this. Accustomed and desirous. I need days like this – totally disconnected from oral communication and human contact – in order to focus on school and my goals…daily or long-term.

The woman ahead of me in the grocery store checkout bought $194 of groceries. Said she’s feeding two sons and a husband. I used to do that. Feed kids and a husband. My weekly grocery bill was crazy, too. As she paid her bill, I looked in my basket: one nectarine, two plums, one leek, 10 ounces of mushrooms, a package of spinach, a head of red leaf lettuce, two crowns of broccoli, two bananas, a bulb of garlic, one mango, one red pepper, three plum tomatoes, a loaf of light whole wheat bread, a dozen brown eggs and a container of grated parmesan cheese. Total: $27.57.

This morning I took a 102-point exam in Foods and a 30-point quiz in Nutrition (got 29 out of 30!). I printed out all my assignments, wrapped my head around more math, watched another episode of “Mad Men,” and washed the dishes. Oh…and I steamed and ate broccoli with parmesan sprinkled on top; ate a piece of bread with jelly because it just sounded so darn good; sautéed snow peas, carrots, garlic, onion, zucchini and slivered almonds in a little sesame oil, soy sauce, ginger and red pepper flakes, and served it over quinoa; and I’m thinking a spinach salad is what’s for dinner. Maybe popcorn. I don’t know yet.

Right now I’m drinking a glass of Chardonnay and staring at my Dietetics textbook. Chapters 5, 6 and 8 need to be read by Saturday. Foods, Nutrition, and Assessment need my attention, too. So does my diet. So does exercise. So do my grandkids and my children and Colton and my plants.

You know what I mean. I have no doubt that all of you have similar responsibilities and priorities, all within a household of what seems at times to be a dozen people. You have my infinite respect and awe. I know what that’s like because I was there once myself. And I was rarely my priority.

So I ask you, how do you make yourself a priority amongst the chaos? How and when do you focus on your food plan? It’s not too hard when you’re one person, but when you’re responsible for two or five or more…it’s not just a matter of waking up and having a cup and catching the bus and going home. There are infinite other things tugging at you, wanting your attention. You have many more conversations within the day than simply, “I’ll come back later.”

I look forward to your answers.

View the original article here